


call my bluff, call you 'babe'

by amanda_willows



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago & Family - Freeform, B99 Fall 2019 Fic Exchange, F/M, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, Minor Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Original Santiago Character(s) - Freeform, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fill, Rosa Diaz & Amy Santiago Friendship, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanda_willows/pseuds/amanda_willows
Summary: "Look, Jake, I know I'm asking too much of you, but I'm desperate now and you're the only one left.""I'm desperate now and you're the only one left-title of your sex tape," he exclaimed quickly, then added, "But seriously though, what are you talking about?""I need you to be my fake boyfriend for Thanksgiving."Or, Amy needs someone to pretend to be her boyfriend for a day. Jake is available.
Relationships: Amy Santiago & Family, Amy Santiago & Original Character(s), Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz & Amy Santiago, Victor Santiago/Camilla Santiago
Comments: 8
Kudos: 122





	call my bluff, call you 'babe'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kufikiria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kufikiria/gifts).

> hey adele!! i'm your assigned b99 2019 fall fic exchange writer (still not sure how i'm supposed to say that)! deeply sorry for putting this off to the last minute, but after chasing inspiration for quite some time, it's finally complete haha. i absolutely loved all your prompts, but i chose "jake and amy fake-dating at thanksgiving" and made this small thing out of it. i hope you like it! 
> 
> we don't celebrate thanksgiving in my family, but if you do, happy turkey day in advance!
> 
> (title from taylor swift's song 'it's nice to have a friend')

Tapping the blue pen incessantly on the table, Amy found her other hand returning again and again to brush obsessively through her hair. Somehow simultaneously annoyed and comforted by it, she let out a low groan, leaning forward to hold her head in her hands.

“What’s wrong with you?” she heard Rosa say from a few feet away.

“Nothing,” came Amy’s muffled reply, more out of habit than anything. Arms still covering her face, she practically heard Rosa’s expression of deadpan disbelief in the silence that followed.With a sigh, she looked up, blowing a stray lock out of her eyes.

“My parents have invited me to their place for Thanksgiving this year. With my _boyfriend_.”

“Boyfriend? I thought you broke up with Teddy,” questioned Jake, who had just entered the bullpen, a Taco Bell takeaway bag in hand.

“That’s the problem. I did, but my parents don’t know that and now they think our relationship’s getting serious. Which is really stupid because they don’t even know his _name_.”

“Then just tell them that you broke up, dude.”

“Tell them? That I’m single? When I’m going to be sharing a roof with all of my brothers and their partners in less than a week? Rosa, _I’ll be roasted along with the turkey_!”

Shrugging, Rosa countered, “Get another one, then. If they don’t know Teddy’s name, any guy could stand in for the day.”

“No!” Amy protested instantly. “I can’t do that! It’s-” 

“It’s _implausible_, Rosa!” Jake interrupted dramatically. “No guy in his right mind would waste an entire, perfect Saturday of binge-watching and snacking by instead spending it celebrating, _Thanksgiving_, of all days, with _Santiago_, of all people.” He finished with equal fervour, grinning up at her before taking another bite from his taco.

Scowling at him in return, Amy turned back to her work. She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to get a pretend date. She was above that.  
  


####  *********

#### 

Or maybe she wasn’t.

In her defence, she had less than a day left and she was not dealing well with the urgency of the situation. _Desperate times call for desperate measures_, she reminded herself, as she sat at her desk, eyes trained on the elevator doors._Yeah, but this desperate?_ Another part of her spat back, rekindling the civil war in her mind._Screw it_, she thought to herself, as the doors dinged to indicate someone's arrival. Downing the rest of her lukewarm coffee for courage, she squared her shoulders and sat back in what she assumed to be a nonchalant manner.

"Santiago," Jake greeted monotonously, his expression matching his voice.

"Peralta," she returned in a seal's voice, far too quickly and far too shrill to be considered normal.

His face brightened with amusement that very moment, as he realised there was something Amy was nervous about.

"What's up, Amy?" he asked with a chuckle, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Wha—uh...nothin' dawg, I'm _just chillin'_," she replied, instantly failing to avoid suspicion.  
Jake's grin widened as a dig made its way to the tip of his tongue, but before he could speak, Amy interrupted.

"Look, Jake, I know I'm asking too much of you, but I'm desperate now and you're the only one left."

"_I'm desperate now and you're the only one left_—title of your sex tape," he exclaimed quickly, then added, " But seriously though, what are you talking about?"

"I need you to be my fake boyfriend for Thanksgiving."

A beat. He blinked. She blinked back.

"What?" He laughed, as if the whole ordeal was too incredulous to not be a joke.

"Please? I'll do your paperwork for a week," she offered with a small, nervous smile.

Jake opened his mouth, closed it again. He paused again, then proposed, "Two weeks and the deal is on."

After a moment's thought, she nodded reluctantly. "Two weeks it is."

"But, you gotta swear you're not in love with me and this is not a way to woo me."

She rolled her eyes, sighing in annoyance. "No, Jake, I'm _definitely_ not in love with you and this is not a way to _woo_ you. Happy?"

"Very."  
  


####  *********

#### 

Amy took a deep breath, ringing the bell to her parents’ house. Smoothing out the wrinkles on her dress, she looked up just as her mother opened the door.

"Amy!"

"Hey Mom, happy Thanksgiving!" she greeted with a warm smile, getting a hug in return.

Pulling away, her mother's eyes went to Jake, and she asked with badly disguised curiosity, "And this is your boyfriend—?"

"Jake, Jake Peralta," he supplied, adding, "Happy Thanksgiving, Mrs Santiago!"

"Ah, happy Thanksgiving, dear. Now come on in, we're about to start!" she said, ushering them inside.  
As soon as they entered, all seven Santiago brothers turned around to look at them from the large living room.

"Amy's here!" shouted one of them, followed by cheers that seemed to ring through the entire neighbourhood.

A small pit had started forming in her belly, as she plastered a smile and grabbed Jake's hand on their way through the hallway.

"Relax, _babe_. I got this," he said in a half-mocking voice.

"Don't force me to kill you, Peralta," she warned under her breath.

"Won't go well with the vibe of the whole dating thing, now, would it?" he countered, following her to the last two places on the couch, next to Tony and his husband.  
  


####  *********

#### 

The next hour passed by in a buzz of introductions. Jake met all of Amy's brothers, all of their partners, and all the kids. In fact, 5 year old Enzo seemed to have taken a special liking to him, judging by how he kept jumping onto him without any warning.

"Jake!" came a high pitched voice from behind, and he turned just in time to see a mop of dark hair launch himself at him. Barely managing to catch Enzo, he felt the air knock out of his lungs as he hit the floor and heard a highly amused Amy laughing (_sadistically_, might he add) in the background.

"Care to help?" he gasped from below, wondering how this small a kid could be so heavy.

"Enzo, sweetie, why don't you go play with Mason for a while?" she suggested to the boy, who immediately lit up and hopped off to find his cousin.

"Thanks a lot. That kid's got way too much energy," he grunted emphatically as he stood up.

"What, Jake Peralta, amazing-detective-slash-genius is intimidated by a 5 year old?" Amy challenged with raised eyebrows.

"He's so hyperactive!" he defended and, as if in support of his statement, a loud crash sounded from the kids' room.

From across the room, Camilla called to the gathering, "I'll handle it, you all can start on the lunch."

Jake mentally thanked whichever god would listen, because he was starving.

"Shall we?" Jake asked, holding out his arm.

"We shall," Amy answered, hooking hers with his.  
  


####  *********

#### 

Of all the breakfasts, brunches, lunches and dinners Jake had ever been to, this was easily the best.  
The long table in the dining room was covered with all kinds of dishes, including the largest turkey he had ever seen (and thanks to Boyle, he had seen _many_).

Thankfully enough, due to the lack of space, the children were served in their room, while everyone else took places around the table. Amy's dad, Victor, sat at the head of the table, carving knife at the ready with the turkey in front of him.

Jake found himself next to David, Amy's greatest rival and least favourite brother, apparent from how her voice had filled with venom while talking to him. He couldn't believe there was someone who annoyed Amy more than he did.

He glanced around, at Mr. Santiago carving up the turkey, at everyone else watching intently, and felt a slight twinge of jealousy. He loved his mom, and didn't regret his childhood at all, but it sure felt nice to be surrounded by so much of family every now and then. Even if it was an overtly loud, constantly squabbling family, he thought, as he saw two of Amy's brothers fight over a drumstick.

"Pass the salad, would you?" David interrupted his reverie.

Jake obliged, then started piling up his plate with the stuff that smelt good (which was pretty much _everything_).

"You know, you look _a lot_ like Lin Manuel Miranda," Jake commented as he spooned up some potato.

"I don't know who that is," said David, looking genuinely curious.

"Only the greatest, coolest playwright of all time! How do you not know?" Jake replied in disbelief.

“I don't follow pop culture."

_What a thrilling guy_, thought Jake, mentally groaning at his luck.

Amy was on the opposite side, chatting animatedly with one of her sisters-in-law. He caught her eye, pointing at David and mouthing, "_Your brother sucks._" She laughed, nodding enthusiastically as if to say "_I know, right?_"  
  


####  *********

#### 

After lunch, when the table was cleared and the kids were put to nap, they popped open a bottle of wine as the chilly afternoon got more mellow.

Amy grabbed a glass, settling comfortably on the couch as she and Jake laughed along to Mateo's illustrated descriptions of his marital problems.

Another glass followed the first one, and soon two (or three) more. Somehow, without noticing, she'd managed to get rather drunk, and was now addressing the whole gathering quite loudly. Apparently, wine-drunk Amy was just purely, brutally honest.

"Now Tony here, he's my _ultimate bro_, you know, he's _so cool_. I'm not playing favourites, you guys, but if I had a binder for each of my brothers, Tony, you'd get the strongest cascading tabs." 

"And I deeply appreciate that,” Tony replied with a grin, raising his glass at her. Jake had been watching amusedly all that time, but couldn't hold in his laughter at this interaction. Unfortunately for him, Amy heard it, and the look on her face told him it was his turn to be fried.

"Moving on to Jake!" she interjected. "You, sir, are a true pain in my ass. Oh, wait, I'm not allowed to say that, am I? You know, because you're supposed to be my boyfriend or something. I still don't—"

"Okay, okay, that's enough, it's getting late, let's go home, okay?" he interrupted, fearful that she might spill the beans any minute now. 

Amy stood up in protest, with a long, drawn out, "_Noooooooo_!"

"Okay, but Captain Holt called and we've got a lead on our arson case. You don't wanna let him down, do you?" he invented quickly, standing up too and handing Amy her purse.

"Oh no, that would be _terrible_! We gotta go right now!" she interjected in alcohol-fuelled horror. The mere mention of Captain Holt had Amy ready to go in a second.

"Alright, let's get you some coffee and then you both can be on the road," offered Camilla.

With a grateful smile at her, Jake looked over to see Amy surrounded by her brothers in what looked like a hilariously melodramatic goodbye.  
  


####  *********

#### 

A few minutes later, when Amy was safely loaded up in the passenger seat of her car and Jake had received well wishes from her family, they were ready to go.

They drove back in an amicable silence, broken occasionally by Amy's spacey chatting and grumbling.  
Truth be told, it felt really weird to be the more responsible one for once.  
It was kinda funny how after teasing her about it, he was the guy who gave up his perfectly lazy Saturday. It was a promising deal, he told himself, that’s why he'd agreed to come.  
Either way, this Thanksgiving had turned out to be more pleasant than expected, definitely less lonely, and rather strange too.

By that principle, he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was when Amy woke up from one of her drunk naps to mumble, "You make for a great fake boyfriend, Peralta."

And he certainly shouldn't have been surprised when he replied, "You're a pretty good fake girlfriend too, Santiago."

**Author's Note:**

> okay until today i had absolutely no idea i can put together a 2k word fic that is not half bad. also, this was my first time writing for b99 and it's been pretty amazing honestly!! (hope the response is too, haha)  
shoutout to mari/wilderhood for being an awesome beta reader and helping me throughout this process. you're the real mvp ❤  
tell me what you thought in the comments!!  
(also credit to that one person on tumblr who thought up the lin manuel miranda joke, it had me in splits and i realised i just had to include it!)  
much love,  
amanda willows x


End file.
